i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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