Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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