Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
