Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
