apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
