my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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