I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
