Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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