Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
