who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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