im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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