proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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