You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
