I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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