dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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