i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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