I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
