I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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