they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
