Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The adults are the big ones right?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
