Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's shark week go big or go home
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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