sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
