All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
