I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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