the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
