I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
