Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
