Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
