I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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