I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
