Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
