Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
