i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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