so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
