how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
