I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
