I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
