He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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