I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
