no, he came in my armpit
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
