Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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