Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
