walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
