shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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