A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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