He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
