Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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