I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
