so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
