somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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