Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
They took my balls.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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