Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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