When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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